Finally got my Harry Potter book on Saturday. I ordered too late to get it on release date. So far I’ve yet to read any spoilers, thank goodness. This is the first time I haven’t just dedicated all of one day to reading the book and finishing it. Instead I’m reading it a little at a time so as not to consume the whole thing in one sittting, and perhaps remember some of the details.  Last time I had to re-read it again right afterwards because i’d already lost half the details.
I’m currently about 320 pages in or so. Very engaging!

So far it would seem i’ve lost 5 pounds, but I don’t weigh in until tomorrow night, so we’ll see.  According to my scale at home though, 5 pounds. Water weight or not, i’ll take it. I’m not picky. According to my pedometer I walked over 1.5 miles yesterday just walking around in the office and such. This seems quite high, so I may have to reset the stride length or something.

I had some weight watchers’ cereal this morning. NOT great. not so bad i can’t eat it, but not good. tolerable i’d say.

Oh! Watched V for Vendetta last night. Didn’t think I’d care for it, but it was great! Although, halfway through the movie i figured out that V was Agent Smith (aka Elrond) which was a bit distracting. (You hear that Mr. Anderson?… That is the sound of inevitability… It is the sound of your death… Goodbye, Mr. Anderson…) (Men? Men are weak. The Blood of Numenor is all but spent, its pride and dignity forgotten. It is because of Men the Ring survives. I was there, Gandalf. I was there three thousand years ago. I was there the day the strength of Men failed.) He does have a great voice though. It’s just a little too distinctive perhaps.  Anyhow, yes it’s been out awhile, but if you haven’t seen it, I recommend it. I found it very well acted and well written and beautifully filmed. Natalie Portman excelled, as did Hugo Weaving in my opinion. This is one I will probably buy.

Shhh! The safe word is nationalism…. or fascism; they are, after all, much the same.

So, yesterday I didn’t eat as much as I was supposed to eat. I waited until this morning to total all my points up because i was being lazy about going out to my car to get my list of food and their points, and it seemed like i had a ton to eat. But, as a matter of fact, I came up 3.5 points short. *snap!*

You’re not supposed to eat LESS than you should, nor MORE than you should. It’s an interesting balancing act. I actually purposely put a tbsp of butter into my chicken and rice last night because i needed the oil in my diet. Come to find out this morning that I don’t think butter actually counts as a “healthy oil”. *Snap!* again. It was only 1 pt. though, and as I said, I came up short on points anyway. It was very yummy by the way. Oil has to be a teaspoon of olive oil, canola oil, safflower, sunflower, or flaxseed oil, and you have to have two a day, for the vitamin E and essential fatty acids it needs. (Something about cellular walls and such…) You can also get oils from fish, nuts, seeds, and vegetable oils. Two teaspoons of sunflowers a day? Do you think that counts? Cause, SIGN ME UP! I looked at the point count on pine nuts and had a pre-mature heart attack but probably in the amounts one normally eats pine nuts (as a garnish and not a snack) aren’t so bad.

Ah well…. speaking of food, it’s lunch time. See ya!

I gots me a little pedometer from Weight Watchers(tm). It not only tells me how many steps i’ve walked or how many miles i’ve walked, it tells me how that activity translates into extra food points for me to eat. The first two weeks of WW you don’t get any activity points anyway, but by then I’ll know how much more i need to be moving around to gain a point or two.

So, right now it says I’ve walked 1,335 steps, or .35 miles just from walking around in my office and going to lunch. I’m guessing 1/2 of my steps were to and from the bathroom, so there ya go! More water = more exercise. How about that? I wouldn’t have ever thought of that. Heehee.

I’m signing up for the monthly pass with WW so I pay the least amount per meeting (just over $9) and i get to use all the eTools online for free. My husband and I also agreed (I told him I was getting it, he said good idea) that it makes the most sense for me to buy the electronic food scale that will help me control my portion sizes and points (400 foods preprogrammed in as to how many points for how much weight that food is), in order to make my weight loss journey more successful and less frustrating.

I am 100% committed to making my goal this time instead of quitting when I got bored of the food I could eat (Mentality = food should be delicious and i should have as much as i want). YOU READ IT HERE FOLKS! Accountability is key for me, because otherwise I’ll start to cheat myself when the novelty wears off.

I am guessing that it will take me almost a year to lose the weight, given inevitable plateaus and bad weeks. This means that by NEXT SUMMER, theoretically, I could be unabashedly wearing a bikini in front of other people. (This means Melissa is on the hook to cut off that saggy skin). Now, I know perfectly well it could also take me TWO years, or more, to lose this weight. It all depends on me, which is kind of nice. I can make or break my own success.

So, on my computer here at work i have a little sign for myself that says:
FOOD = FUEL
Make sure you use high octane!

So, if it isn’t healthy fuel for my body, I have no business eating it.
And really, isn’t it all about mindset? Learning not to view food as a comfort or reward system, but as a necessity for living, and the fact that i need FAR FAR less than my American brain has been trained to see as portions.

A couple of days ago I was less than thrilled about the impending change in my diet and my lifestyle. Today, I could hardly be more excited about all the changes I’m going to be making and seeing.  And, I swear to God that if I ever actually fit into a pants size 10, I’ll be dancing up on the catwalk again at Embers… alone! Because Baby, if you’ve got it, flaunt it! (I’ve never actually worn a size 10 pair of pants because by the time my stepmother took control of my clothing debacle I was already a size 11 juniors!)

I think pretty much everyone knows that drinking water helps you lose weight, and as today is my first day back on weight watchers I am being very dutiful about it. But for heaven’s sake! It’s just after 11am and I’m going to be going pee AGAIN after I post this. I think this makes 4 times since 8:00 am. That’s more than once an hour. Thank God my job doesn’t involve me being out on the road and making sales calls or anything! You’d have to know where to find every public bathroom in a 20 mile radius!

ok, gotta GO!

Starting Weight Watchers tomorrow night. There is a meeting near my house at 7pm which is very convenient for me. I really prefer the Weight Watcher Centers where they have meetings all day everyday, but you take what you can get. The closest center isn’t close at all. I contacted the headquarters to get my Lifetime Membership Number. (oooh, ahhhh) So, I’m all ready to go. All except the dread of starting over.

The new outlook on food I’m cultivating is this:

1. The POINT of eating is to put fuel in my body.
2. The point of eating is NOT to provide pleasure for my body.
3. The pleasure of eating good food is just an added plus.
4. Thus, eating does not have to be pleasurable, it just has to be good fuel.
5. Good fuel for my body is not provided when I eat empty calories from sugar and processed grains and such.
6. High Quality food is full of nutrients and may or may not taste good. It doesn’t matter. What matters is getting the fuel in the body.
7. Once in a while, having a little food that is pleasurable and not good fuel is okay. Just, not enough to live on.

I have been operating on the “I only eat food that tastes good” theory, and that theory has helped me to put on a lot of weight in my life. I am going to try to operate on a new Operating System: Eat to Live, don’t Live to Eat. If food doesn’t taste the way I like, I’ll eat less of it. Eventually my tastes will change and the sugared, processed foods won’t taste as good anyway. Higher nutrition content in food = less food needed to feel full and satisfied. If i could eat by taking a pill or get my nutrition from an IV every night, and never need real food again, sign me up.

The problem is I enjoy the social aspect of eating. I can still enjoy that aspect, it just provides a higher temptation level.
I want to be able to look at a box of donuts and say “ok, what in here will provide good fuel?” answer: “Nothing.”, and move on, past the donuts and on to the small bowl of oatmeal or egg or whatever.

Foods I do not currently eat that I would like to learn to either enjoy or at least tolerate:
Lentils
Legumes in general
Cottage Cheese
Non-fat Yogurt
Whole Wheat bread
Flaxseed
Tofu
Watch me turn into a granola girl… you know the ones i mean.

The time has come….
the pictures don’t lie
goodbye beloved alfredo sauce, farewell delicious bread, au revoir ice cream!

Next stop: Weight Watchers
Starting weight:  ummmm i’ll just keep that to myself for now
Goal weight: 130

Here is a picture of Melissa and me, a few drinks for the worse, at a recent party where we finally got to meet in person.
We have formed a mutual admiration society. Mutual adoration society?  Lovin’ YOU!

For the record, I’m feeling much better. Still kind of hard to breathe, but very little coughing. Stuffy head feeling, like there is cotton inside, but not stuffed up and congested. Tired, but not exhausted.

I couldn’t sleep last night. My cough medicine with vicodin worked great except for not putting me to sleep, which I am not sure it’s supposed to do, it’s supposed to make it so you can sleep by dulling any pain and suppressing your cough. But, you know how vicodin is, i couldn’t sleep, but i didn’t care. i hardly coughed at all. i spent roughly 5-6 hours laying on the bed just drifting from thought to thought, looking out the sliding glass door, and occasionally patting John on the arm or back or whatever to reassure him i was there when he woke up throughout the night. And it was all just… fine. I can see why people become addicted to it.  It doesn’t really get rid of your pain, it just makes it so you don’t care about the pain, the pain is fine. It’s a very floaty feeling.

Then about 4:30ish I started actually falling asleep, fell asleep for good when john left for work, and slept until approximately 10am. Might need a nap later.

hungry. would like bagels with cream cheese from Noah’s Bagels. will probably settle for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. i want cereal, but the pharmacist said something to john about no dairy with my antibiotic. I may have to call for further clarification. not sure i can survive without having me some cereal.