Monthly Archives: March 2007

why yes, it has been 11 days since i’ve posted. thank you for noticing. i’ve had both too much and too little to say, too much and too little time on my hands. yesterday was beautiful and sunny and 70°F and i spent exactly none of it outside. except for the hour after work that i stood out in my cul-de-sac chatting with one of my new neighbors, the only one we hadn’t met. she is 53, loves good wine and cheese, and has a pretty wicked sense of humor. i think i like her.
party on.
i also spent a short period of time outside counting jets in the hot tub that need to be replaced while my husband polished and buffed that acrylic like nobody’s business. you could eat off it. not that i would… people do put their bare butts there after all. the idea is just …ewww. this weekend we should be able to fill it back up and heat it up and sit back and enjoy it.
i have reduced one medication that i take, it’s for depression/anxiety, and damn have i noticed two differences after a week: 1) i’m nowhere NEAR as drowsy mid-day as i have been. that could also be the weather. tough call on that. 2) i am back to having trouble falling asleep because my mind is too wound up and over-active. i took a 1/2 xanax to deal with it nightly on the old regimen. i may have to up it to a whole one. spending an hour or two going over and over one thing in my mind is just obnoxious. example from last night: a good name for a dog. i want to get a golden retriever. not a puppy. i have no time to train a puppy, cute as they are. or… a lhasa apso. I know, big difference. but they are both great dogs. actually i’d like one of each, plus 2 or 3 kittens, but i think that won’t fly. anyway, i must have spent at LEAST an hour coming up with different names and the probable nicknames that would eventually arise from those names, and not wanting them to sound too much like any one of our names since calling the dog or calling me is very different and i’d like to not keep mistaking what or who is being called for. (yes, i know, horrible sentence and grammar.) but anyway, stupid stuff like that is what goes around and around in my head, and it always has for as long as i can remember until last year when they started giving me medication for anxiety after my diagnosis of “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” (to go with the long term generalized clinical depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and a borderline personality disorder. go me!!!) and suddenly for the first time in my life that i can remember, i could fall asleep in 15-30 minutes without a lot of buzzing going around in my head. i didn’t have to replay conversations (both real, imagined, and potential) over and over in my head. WOW! i could just…. fall to sleep. what an amazing gift! i’m not about to give that up too quickly.
i shall call my n.p. and see what she says about upping to one xanax a night. you know, seeing as i’d rather not end up in rehab. though, it does seem to be quite the trendy thing to do these days. britney, lindsay, etc. i could use a month off of work and housekeeping and time in support groups being introspective. i’m just betting those aren’t the only things they do, plus they are expensive.
my boss may retire in june. my other boss may not approve anyone to buy his shares. he could potentially just close up shop and become a city engineer in the city he lives in because he’s already the city engineer, he’s just a consultant instead of direct hire. so theoretically i could be out of my cushy easy-going not-too-busy well-paid for what i do but uninteresting job within the next few months. also theoretically i could just move on to another administrative assistant job. but, i’m 41 (almost – 2 weeks) and maybe it’s time to figure out what i want to do when i grow up because it sure as hell isn’t filing and answering the phone for someone else to make lots of money while i get the dregs.
i’m contemplating real estate which is something i never ever thought i’d do, but i’ve worked at real estate offices a lot in my adult life (1st as a real estate assistant for about a year, 2nd as a real estate office clerk for a summer, 3rd as real estate headquarters receptionist for 2.5 years, 4th as a real estate office receptionist for 3-4 months, and 5th in a commerical real estate office as a word processor for 3 years and then the I.T. person for the company for another 2 years) and suddenly i’m thinking about it. my mom was a real estate sales person when i got out of high school and her company moved to another state, so she got out and started a new career. but i moved off to college and then on to my own life, so i never really lived with her while she was doing it. now she lives in my adopted town but is retired. my nearby first-cousin-once-removed’s wife (i just call her my cousin) is a very successful real estate agent in the area (in a ritzy area, so she makes the bucks) and her step-son, my 2nd cousin i think is now a real estate agent in a nearby town in the metro area, so i’m still around it a fair bit.
i always said i would never, ever do sales, but that’s because i just can’t see selling someone something they don’t really need. but people need houses… they are going to buy them with or without me… the real estate agent is more of a facilitator than anything. i dunno. i’ll keep thinking about it, and i’ll have a chat with my cousin about it. see what she thinks. it’s not like i’m going to give her a run for her money. she runs in WAY higher circles than i do. but, i do know a lot of people… i belong to a large church that is also small enough that most people sort of know each other from one thing or another. anyway, like i said… more t.h.o.u.g.h.t. and investigation required.
i was going to get back into massage, but i’m not sure i can hack it. i seem to run into a lot of trouble with my arms (wrists, elbows, tendons, muscles) and those are fairly well required to be strong for massage. also requiring more thought and investigation.
i wanted to be a counselor, but frankly, i’m not sure i want to listen to people’s problems all day unless they are smart enough to see what they are doing and i just need to be a voice of reason. i am not all that patient with stupid people. (read: not at all)
we have an empty nest this weekend. oh joyous day!(s) it’s been sooo long! what to do with all the freedom!? …..
…besides that….
”O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!” He chortled in his joy.

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
 – Lewis Carroll

i asked my husband what we were doing for easter this year.
“going to church”
one should be more specific when asking engineers (they are so literal!) the vague questions that one can answer too literally. what was my question exactly? i’m not sure, but “going to church” didn’t cover the answer.
it’s part of the answer.
are we doing anything particular for dinner? going anywhere? spending time with family? spending time alone? are we getting candy and baskets for our kids (unlikely)? for the nieces? it’s our son’s 16th birthday as well, are we doing something for that? will he be at our house or his mother’s house? it’s the weekend before my birthday, should we celebrate then if the son is at the mom’s house or wait until my birthday or the weekend after to celebrate. lots of questions were enclosed within the simple question of “what are we doing for easter this year?” and my husband answered the question quite sufficiently for what he saw as the question. it’s not his fault he didn’t see all the other questions encompassed within. he is not a mind reader last i checked. they are all questions that i could answer myself if i so chose, so i was probably looking for more of an opinion that could open a conversation, a dialogue on what we want to do as a couple, not a literal and simple answer. I was a little put out and disgruntled from the abrupt answer and then quickly realized why and let it go. it was my fault.  but, it was a simple and clear example of how misunderstandings and frustrations start within a relationship and how within a moment things can go from good to bad with no one intending to start a fight. i’m glad i saw it this time and dropped it. how often do we miss it though? how often do you not see the moment when the feelings get soured and the relationships suffers, and no one knows why.
The test of observance of Christ’s teachings is our consciousness of our failure to attain an ideal perfection.  The degree to which we draw near this perfection cannot be seen; all we can see is the extent of our deviation. – Leo Tolstoy

last of all….. i just hit 68 in WoW on my druid and can now fly as a bird and it is freaking SWEET and worth all the work to get there.


My big plans for watching as much as possible of Season One and Two of LOST were stymied by two things:

1. The requirement to do SOMETHING else besides that. Eat, go to store, hang out with hubby, sleep, etc.

2. I hadn’t seen very much of Season One it turns out. So I barely could skip ahead at all! Though I did figure out how to not watch the “Previously on LOST” section and a few other shortcuts.  I still have to watch the last disc of One, maybe tomorrow night. Then it’s on to Season Two as soon as I can carve out a large chunk of time. However, I’ve watched quite a bit of Season 2 I’m perfectly sure, because I know a lot of what happened. I might have to watch all of it anyway though because it’s just such a fascinating plot of twists and turns and this relating to that, and Ohhhhhhhhh that’s what that was abouts, and so on.

It seriously makes me tense though, watching it… I decided it’s the music and sound effects, not the action on screen. I know it’s designed to do that and all, but let me tell ya, it’s working! I have anxiety issues anyway, so I can get totally creeped out pretty easily. You should see me jump when someone makes a noise when i’m not expecting one, or a loud noise suddenly. Whoooo boy!

A LOST Weekend

Yep! My BIG plans for the weekend are lounging on my couch watching as much of the 1st and 2nd seasons of LOST as I can get through! I have seen large portions of the shows because everyone in my house has sat down to watch them at one point or another so that is 4 times already that they’ve played all the way through (at least Season One). So I’m going to watch it and fast forward through the parts i’ve watched and hopefully get through many more than i should logically be able to see in one weekend. We’ll see. I was super resistant to watching this show because “I hate TV” and I don’t want to be tied to watching something every week or missing out and not getting to see what happened. BUT…. now we have DVR and we can watch whatever we want whenever we want, so that is great! Now I can watch LOST, and What Not To Wear, and Dirty Jobs, and DIY shows on houses and such and ignore the rest! Well, if no one else lived in my house I could ignore the rest. Sadly, I have to sit through several shows I really dislike sometimes, or listen to them anyway. Either that, or be disappointing people by hiding in my cave.

I think I’m coming down with a cold. My throat and ears hurt and i have a headache and just feel kinda “foggy”.  SUCKS! I just took two days off of work due to extreme fatigue and headache and achiness all over, I can’t afford to get sick more!

Also, I bought my sewing machine! Hurrah for credit cards! (See Amy, I’m not fiscally responsible either…) Now  I can shorten my stupid pajama bottoms and jeans and trousers and skirts and curtains and repair some skirts! F I N A L L Y!  And, my kids pajamas too. I’m sick to death of watching my youngest walk on her pants because they are too long. They just don’t really make clothing for women under 5’2″ tall… in fact it’s very difficult to find even that short, and she’s 4’11” and no one knows if she’ll get taller. Her older sister and their mom and their dad (my husband) are alllll shorties (and me as well) so nothing EVER fits correctly from the store.

Xanga is cool. I started using it to kinda check-in with my oldest daughter. One person read her site because she saw we lived in the same area, and so I began to read her site.  Then, I started reading some other sites from Xanga groups (like.. Liberal Christians, Parents are People, groups about reading and writing, stuff like that) and I started to read a couple of sites. Then, from their sites, I’ve gotten to know other people I now talk to or read up on regularly and they read my sites, and they have begun to read the sites of the people that I read apart from them. It’s just so cool to see how the networks branch out and overlap!! I love getting to know new people that are interesting and funny and know things about stuff that I don’t know about (Ancient Hebrew for instance) and interacting with them and seeing them interact with each other. Very cool. It’s a good thing we didn’t have the Internet when I was a teenager though. I might never have graduated from High School.  (Homework? What’s that?)

And lastly, my computer is working properly again… new video card and new power supply to run the beefy new video card, and I am SET! w00t!!! I can play WoW again!!!!! I was getting all jittery and stuff! (just kidding.)

p.s. My husband rocks! Yep! He does 😀

Daylight Savings Time is officially kicking my butt…  All that sounds good to me right now is a nap. or, a Starbucks vanilla bean blended-creme frappucino. That sounds good too. I totally and completely don’t want to figure out what to make for dinner tonight, nor do I want to make anything at all, once I’ve figured it out. Sounds like a convincing case for a take-n-bake pizza.

We skipped church yesterday, I couldn’t convince myself to go to church at 7:30 in the morning on a Sunday. Not that it was at 7:30, but with the time change I would have felt like it was, and that’s what counts. So, I slept til 11 (DST) instead. Then I took a nap at about 3pm for a couple of hours. Then I tried to go to sleep at 9:30 so my husband could get to sleep and not have me waking him up since he has to get up at 3:30am on Mondays. But, our bodies are still on the old time clock realistically, so bedtime at 8:30 after all that sleeping. RIGHT. Laid awake a long time. Then he got up at 3:30 and I woke up, slept a little, then woke up again when he was getting ready to leave, then tried to wake up at 6:30 for work. RIGHT. That worked like a charm. hahahaha yeah… not so much.

I got a summons for Jury Duty yesterday in the mail. Well, isn’t that exciting? I can take one of my PRECIOUS vacation days and go, or I can take a day without pay and go, or I can defer til another time within this year, but then I still get the same two options from work. What happens if I were to get put on a trial? Oh yeah, no pay. Hey, that sounds great! I’ll just let my mortgage loan company know that I’m having to serve my civil duty time on a trial and therefore I can’t pay for my house. No worries Mate!! Not only all of that, but it’s the day before my birthday. All things being equal, it’s very likely I’d be done in one day and then back to work. But… things not always working out the way I want them to, I could just as likely be sitting on a jury bench doing crosswords and sudoku puzzles all day. Doing puzzles all day sounds just fabulous, the jury bench not so much. Maybe they have cushy chairs hiding somewhere??

I’ve decided I need a sewing machine. With all the short people in my house (all 5 of us) we constantly buy pants that are too long and then have to figure out how to either compensate (heels, belts, etc.) or walk on the bottoms, or pay someone to hem them up (only I do this). Plus, the girls know how to use a sewing machine and swear they would use it to make skirts and the like. And, finally, I bought curtains to use for my closet doors, but they are 96″ and really they need to be a bit shorter, so it would be useful to be able to do that myself. I do know HOW to use a sewing machine, it’s just been…..a long time. Like maybe… 20 years? Hehe NO PROBLEM!!


In the last two years:

  1. We needed a twin-size mattress for my younger daughter since she was moving in and we didn’t want her to have to sleep on the old hard bunkbed mattress every night. We couldn’t afford one. I fretted. Our next door neighbor called me up without knowing about that and asked if we could use an old twin mattress they were replacing with a full size. YES, PLEASE!
  2. Our oldest daughter crashed my husband’s car in a driving lesson. (No one was hurt) We needed a new vehicle. The totaled car was only valued at a couple of thousand dollars due to very high mileage from my husband’s job, so we didn’t get much money for the totaled value. What we really needed with 3 teenagers was a minivan. We couldn’t really afford one that I felt confident about not breaking down. I fretted. Our families gave us (and loaned some) several thousand dollars altogether; MUCH, MUCH more than we had hoped they could help us out. This allowed us to buy the much-needed minivan…. a 2000 Honda Odyssey! It has everything I wanted and more, for instance: captain’s chairs in the middle so no teenagers have to actually touch, a GPS system that I never even considered as a possibility, and a previous owner that took meticulous care of it! YES, PLEASE! 
  3. My husband used to play games on his computer to the exclusion of pretty much all else. His kids moved in. I needed him to stop this addiction to help take care of them. I fretted. A LOT! It took a long time (2+ years) and a complete change of heart for him, but he no longer plays games much at all, mostly only to play World of Warcraft with me if I ask. Would I like a husband who wants to spend time with me and with his kids? Would I like a husband who likes to cook and is concerned with how the house is decorated and how the yard looks?  YES, PLEASE!
  4. We’ve always been renters since we’ve been together. (10 years later this year) I didn’t think we could afford to buy a house pretty much ever. My husband was more confident. I didn’t think we could get a loan or a downpayment. I fretted. My mom offered to loan us a downpayment if we wanted to buy a house. We found a GREAT house that I love the first weekend we began to look and moved in a month later. YES, PLEASE!
  5. I really was hoping we could get a china cabinet when we bought new furniture for the house, because my mom gave me her lovely Lenox china last year when she moved here from California. The day after I was discussing my sad realization that it wasn’t going to be possible due to the cost, our realtor called and asked if we wanted one. The seller wanted to give us one to thank us for being gracious to her during the transaction of purchasing her home. YES, PLEASE!
  6. We have 3 computers in our family room, and some bookshelves. The computers are on ugly folding tables (you know, banquet tables without the tablecloths). I have been really wishing we could get at least one computer desk to dress it up a little. We have been on the lookout for a few months, whenever we go to the office supply stores, big-box stores, etc. So far, nothing. I fretted. Last week we got an email asking if we had use for a computer desk that was being replaced, with a picture of just what I had been looking for because it has nice cherrywood coloring that will match the majority of our new furniture. YES, PLEASE!
  7. The one thing I DON’T love about my new house is the lack of cabinet space in the kitchen, with no pantry. So I had recently begun looking for an inexpensive cabinet to put next to our refrigerator where the room becomes the family room, and next to where the new computer desk will be going. Discovered it was basically impossible to find inexpensive AND decent looking. I fretted. A few days after the email regarding the desk arrived, a new email arrived. Did we have a use for the cabinet/armoire that had been shipped accidentally to the same people giving us the computer desk? It was supposed to be their new computer desk and the wrong thing was shipped. There was some damage in shipping so the company didn’t want it back and told them to keep it. It’s the PERFECT size for a pantry. Over 5′ tall and nice deep shelves, two of which are adjustable. Also, it’s cherrywood color! YES PLEASE!

AND, THANK YOU!!!!!  I happen to believe that God answers prayers…

p.s.  This cd kicks ass!