My whole life is made up of disappointing people. That’s what I do. I guess I’m not an acceptable person, because I never seem to be accepted as I am. I am never good enough. Never. I am only accepted when I pretend to be something I am not. I’m never going to be that person, and I don’t want to be that person. I should stop worrying about being acceptable to other people, and accept that I am not going to be able to be what they want. It is slowly killing me.
I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know if I ever knew, but I am sure I don’t know who I am right now. What do I believe? What do I want? What do I think is important? What gives me purpose? What makes me want to go on? What makes it worthwhile to get out of bed in the morning? What makes it worthwhile to wake up at all? I have no idea anymore.