Today is the 5th anniversary for my husband and me. It’s actually the 5th anniversary of our “big” wedding, but it’s the one we celebrate. We got married legally a few months before our wedding for insurance reasons when I got laid off work. However, that was his birthday, and so in order to not lose his birthday, we celebrate the June wedding instead of the March marriage.
As of later this year we will have been together for 10 years, minus a month here and there in the beginning during our “we’re a couple!” “no, we’re not a couple!” stage. I could never have pictured myself being with someone that long back then, not because I didn’t desire that, but my record was 3 years, and that included some extended absences on his part (him living on the lam, then being in jail, you know: the usual), and before that 2 years with even more extended absences (work related), so one could say I didn’t really know what it was like to be with someone all the time for more than about a year.
I have to say that I can’t quite believe it’s been 10 years. I’ve helped raise his children. I’ve seen him go through huge changes. I’ve gone through huge changes. Yet, here we are, still together, still in love. Not that it’s not a challenge, but it’s a worthy challenge. I love being married. I love knowing that neither of us considers divorce an alternative to the work of a marriage. I love knowing that even when we argue, we’ll both be there in the morning, and we’ll still love each other. (This particular bit is a huge issue of mine from my childhood.) There is always a light at the end of the tunnel because even in our dark moments I know that eventually we’ll get things worked out because we won’t allow ourselves to do otherwise.
Marriage requires sacrifice, and we’re all selfish, so that’s hard, especially when one person does more sacrificing for a period of time. We’ve both been in that position now. But the goal is to give and sacrifice at the same time as they are giving and sacrificing, so that we are both getting as much as we’re giving. Choosing to love someone when you don’t FEEL loving is hard, but what a paradigm shift from “I’ll love you when you’re lovable, and I won’t when you’re not, it’s all about me and my feelings”. That’s the one I learned growing up.
My marriage makes me a better person, in lots of ways. Iron sharpens iron, and rising to the challenges of daily life makes me grow and expand my sense of self, and helps me understand that sense of oneness between two people. The hard times are hard, but the good times are GREAT!!
Happy Anniversary John, I Love You!!!
June 9th, 2007 at 8:17 pm
happy anniversary sweetie. that must be awesome. I know what you mean about it making you a better person. For sure.
June 10th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
What a beautiful and encouraging post to read! You make me want to get married. lol
The unconditional love issue is a huge issue for me too because of childhood stuff, and I am getting very aware of how much work I have to do in the area of trust/love/judgment/abandonment.
Hey have a great weekend. 🙂
June 10th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
happy anniversary!! i agree–it’s such an important thing, and a beautiful thing over time, to be able to look back on a relationship in all of its ups and downs and see how it made me the person i am today. i don’t have a long-term romantic relationship under my belt, but one of my friendships has really taught me this. it’s one of the real beauties of relationships that go through so many stages of life and change. anyway, thanks for your post, it really sums things up nicely, and is really hopeful in the face of the reality of the difficult pieces of relationships. i really appreciate that about your perspective, thanks for sharing it.
June 10th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
p.s. i just noticed your musical selection–and it just so happens that i met and went to a concert with one of the guys from that band several years ago, because i was friends w/ his ex-girlfriend. funny coincidence, usually people are like, nada what?
June 13th, 2007 at 7:53 pm
June 16th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
jonatha. yes. (and my last two comments are so portland.) she is my favourite musician. i’ve never missed her, which tells me something about my physical/mental state.