Life Goes On

2 days later, I’m being spoken to again.
Not that he feels talkative towards me, but “life goes on I guess”.
Gee. Don’t hurt yourself.

I don’t feel much talkative towards him either frankly.
I don’t foresee an apology,
I foresee the expectation of an apology from me.
(Speaking of unrealistic expectations…)
Uh, yeah… that ain’t happening.

I can apologize for losing my temper and getting mildly hysterical. I could possibly have stayed calm.
I can apologize for yelling and for cussing, because I’m not proud of that.
But I will not apologize for who I am!
I will not apologize for not living up to his expectations.
I gave up my expectations years ago because he was NEVER going to live up to them.

I am not supposed to bring up his past behavior because he has changed.
Because he’s apologized for being a jerk and I’ve forgiven him.
Ok sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s now fair for him to judge me because I downgraded my own behavior to mesh with his previous behavior.

Ex-smoker syndrome.  Angry ex-smoker syndrome.
“i’m not a jerk slacker anymore, so you can’t sit around.”
…. wait, what?

Happy 6th Anniversary to me.