School – a lot to process and I’ve been busy, so not much mental processing has begun, but here goes!

• I found it very exciting to be in a classroom that opened in prayer, that wasn’t full of cynical and jaded people, that didn’t see religion as politics.
• I found it disconcerting to have a few people in class who seemed to have the Bible memorized, and knew lots of bible study terms that I wasn’t familiar with. I recognized my own brand of arrogance in them for broadcasting how much more they knew in a way that appeared to be answering a question, but was in my opinion a way of showing off. I’ve done this. I know that score. It’s less than humble for certain, clearly a point of pride.
  • Were I in their shoes would I too be showing off? I don’t know.   …Maybe…   I come to this as something of an empty vessel, waiting to be filled. But, what if this was a class on a topic with which I was quite familiar? What if I felt I could be teaching the class myself. Would I not be spilling over with knowledge myself?
  • It’s a tough question. Not a tough question to answer necessarily, but a tough question to face. Could I, and would I, harness my knowledge to keep it apace with the class as a whole?
  • In general I’m somewhat shy if I’m in an unfamiliar situation. Therefore, in the hall waiting for class, other students surrounding me, talking to each other, I don’t say a word, I don’t look around, I try to become invisible. I do not know these people.
  • Then, in class I am on familiar ground to a certain extent. We are all sitting there, students together, but not individual people talking, we are waiting for instruction to begin. My shyness fades away and is replaced by my joker. I’m perfectly ready to make anonymous jokes and smart ass comments.
    • As I’m in seminary and not in San Francisco State University, some semblance of common sense wakes up and reminds me that smart ass comments might be best kept to a minimum.
      • My friend Candi is certain they will have to burn the seminary down after I leave to reconsecrate the place…)
  • As instruction and teacher-class interaction begins, I feel motivated to try and answer some of the questions or respond to the request for comments. I am unsure of my responses but feel confident in my ability to say something worth saying. My words stumble over themselves.
    •  When did I get a stutter?  When I’m nervous, my words disappear, somewhere near the back of my tongue rather than the tip.

     

  • The Know-It-Alls start talking. Who-da-what? I’m unfamiliar with the words being used. (Not a familiar feeling by any means) I’m unfamiliar with the stories to which they make reference. “we know this because it says in Deuteronomy blah blah blah”
    • My thought? NO WE DON’T! You might, but not all of us are up on our Deuteronomy bud! Cool down! You’re not impressing me with your knowledge, you’re irritating me with your arrogance!
      • My further thought today, as I’ve already mentioned…. Do I do that? Oh God, I hope not. It’s off-putting and annoying.

     

More thoughts later. Caffeine headache is beginning and work is looming. Must go track down intravenous tube for caffeine intake and get some damn filing done. The growing pile is killing me!