Finally, movement!!  We have decisions and goals and forward movement and lists and I’m so excited. CA will not attend the high school diploma program at the community college because while it looks like a fantastic program for disaffected kids who never did well in school, it is not the place for her. So, she will get her GED and GET ON WITH LIFE! Get into the community college for her AA, take business classes, do homework, ride her bike, get her license, meet new people, get a better job maybe. It’s time to stop isolating and crying and sleeping and waiting for life to happen. I always thought life would just happen to me, but guess what, it doesn’t. Too bad I figured that out at 40 instead of 17.

Maybe I need to take the same tack….. what would i need to do to get on with my life?  Go to school? Sit down and figure out what i want to be when i grow up? figure out financing for school or whatever else? God, it’s awful to consider, but so is this life stretching into infinity like this. Not that I hate my life… I don’t. But, maybe someday I’ll have a job that moves me. Something with passion to it.

That should be our new motto: GET ON WITH LIFE : GOWL…..lol pretty awful! I might have to come up with something better. hehe put an R in there… GROWL. Let’s see… GET RIGHT ON WITH LIFE…. GET RADICALLY ON WITH LIFE… haha…..doesn’t really do it for me.

The point is, let’s stop stagnating.

We all lie to save ourselves, and in so doing, we lose ourselves.

It’s not the big lies that break us down and take us apart, it’s the little ones.

It’s the secrets and the shameful deed untold that eats away at our skin, like gangrene.

I hate listening to her lie to us, I hate seeing him lie to me, I hate feeling like I have to lie to them.

Why are we all so afraid to show ourselves? Why do we make agreements with the world about who we are?

Saving ourselves is overrated…. truth is underrated.

I just accidentally deleted several more lines and now I can’t get them back, fleeting thoughts that I wanted to hold onto but are now gone.

Why is it so hard to write when one is not in misery? or madly in love?  Do I stop having an internal dialogue with myself? No. Do I stop having anything to say? Surely not. Maybe I just don’t need to pour out anything but the venting and the excitement.

Another day goes by, no time to post, not busy at work, just busy catching up on life after being sick for a week.
Small Updates:
Nigel kitty is buried in the front yard on the berm. I miss him so much.
MUST LOSE WEIGHT…  Gah!!!

WOW News:
We took down Nefarion first try last night woot!
Caille is now 51.5…. takes so long to level 😦

and time to go…

My heart is broken because my big baby boy Nigel, my beloved giant of a cat, passed away this weekend, July 15, 2006. I spent two days crying, and today (monday) i have already cried at least 2 times about it. We just didn’t see it coming. Nigel was going to live to be OLD! He was gonna be a 18 year old cranky but loveable cat who always wanted a belly rub, and always ready to give you a head butt.  Instead, he is gone and I don’t have anything more than memories to hold onto and he was such an important and wonderful part of my life.

Nigel, I love you so much and it hurts so much to see you go!!!!

What a crazy busy day! Trying to get everything done that I can before I leave on vacation.

John surprised me by showing up at my office to see if i was available for lunch, which i was, so that was nice. Just went to Taco Bell, but it was the fact that he thought of it and acted upon it. 😀

Tomorrow starts our vacation! Thank God! Friday til the next Sunday! 10 Days!! I am sooooo looking forward to having so many days in a row off work and with John and not having any kids!!!  I am also looking forward to spending time in Carmel and seeing my aunt Mary and cousin Nate and his gf Kalindi. Not sure what all we will do, kind of playing it by ear. Mom is staying at our house to take care of the cats. Hope that goes alright. I’m putting post it notes all over the house so she will not get too confused.

Xanax does amazing things to your brain… besides it’s either that or start drinking heavily.