**I will not fall apart!✊**

UPDATE on Health Information / Introspection / Thoughts on this process of breast cancer discovery and treatment. If you aren’t interested, please carry on!
(TL;DR: MRI leading to ultrasound and biopsy of the other breast, results TBD)

**I will not fall apart!** However, today is a struggle for me. I was blissfully unaware during my acupuncture appointment this morning that I was getting a phone call from the hospital, telling me that I needed to come in for an ultrasound and biopsy on my other breast.

I put my phone on airplane mode for my appointment to avoid any interruptions that would make me fret about what the notification was. I spent the entire appointment coming up with the names of unusual animals for every letter of the alphabet. So, instead of C is for Cat, I said C is for Cheetah, that kind of thing. The intention is to keep my mind fairly in the present and solving a puzzle instead of worrying over the past or the future, which is really important for me right now. I have pretty significant anxiety at the best of times. Right now it’s working overtime.

Then, I got in my car a few minutes after my appointment and discovered I had a voicemail, with no other information besides “these are the things the doctor wants you to come in for, here are the times and dates we chose, call if you can’t do those times or dates, otherwise see you then.” Wait, what?!? 🤔😳😣

I had my breast MRI done yesterday. Not a procedure I can recommend. Review: 0/10, would not do again by choice. I’ve had lots of MRIs over the years, but none of them were that uncomfortable. I had to lay on my stomach with my arms stretched out in front of me, like Supergirl. (WHOOSH!) I was laying on a contraption/form that then goes into the MRI machine. There were holes in the…. form?… that my breasts fit into, and my body was on foam padding that allowed my knees to bend a little. Not too uncomfortable, should be okay for 45 minutes, I can do that. THEN, they put me in the machine. It’s basically a tube, about the length of a person, if you haven’t had an MRI. The machine then closed around my hips and abdomen, squeezing me to the point that i could just barely take a deep breath. Then they say “try not to move”. Uh… yeah, definitely not moving. I’m barely breathing!! But then the body says “i can’t breathe, i must now breathe harder and faster than normal because i need extra oxygen!” They tell you to try to relax and zone out as much as possible… RIGHT. I’ll get right on that. *eyeroll*

If I understood correctly, they took a bunch of images, then injected a contrast dye into my veins and took the same bunch of images. This helps to clearly show breast tissue details. There is the possibility of false positives, meaning they might see something that looks like a tumor or atypical, but upon biopsy is benign. So, this definitely doesn’t mean I have bilateral breast cancer! But, it might… 👀

“It might…” is such an anxiety-provoking concept. Ugh. 🧠

I go in on Monday, August 20th for an ultrasound, and then again on Thursday, August 23 to do a biopsy. So, clearly, they have seen something for which they don’t like the look and want to get a physical sample of to test for cancer cells.

Well.

Okay then.

“All is well, until I hear definitively that it isn’t.” This is my new mantra; I picked it up from another patient that attends the breast cancer support group at the hospital. 💞

I will try my very best to enjoy my weekend! I hope you all enjoy your weekends! Thank you for your love and prayers and wonderful messages to me. If you sent me a personal message, I promise I’ll be getting back to you. Just a little overwhelmed at the moment, but I am truly grateful, again and more. 😍 💗💖❣️

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